Another Project Comes to Fruition...

The Time is now

An unfinished work by my father:

The time is now.
if you are ever going to love me, love me now, while I can know the sweet and tender feelings which from true affection flow, love me now. While I'm living, do not wait until I'm gone and then have it chiseled in marble, sweet words on ice-cold stone. If you have tender thoughts of me, please tell me now. If you wait until I'm sleeping, never to awaken, there will be death between us, and I won't hear you then, so, if you love me, even a little bit, let me know it while I am living so I can treasure it.

Kenneth Paul McPhail Sr.

Anger

Sometimes we get angry but what purpose does it truly serve. Take for example the person that cuts you off in traffic, would you still be angry if you knew that person was on there way to the hospital to say goodbye to a dying loved one? I try to get better at this everyday but its difficult, I hear things like " that will break her heart" well what can I do, somethings are just out of our control. Then there are those who step into the scene, make the wrong changes and smile, back stabbers, but onward they march, as my dad would say "pig fuckers" well they are just a bunch of asvabs who have no idea whats going on. In the end I suppose everyone gets what they deserve,,,

A day

Just another day, just another pill from the VA, just another date, time is fleeting, body is crumbling. Stay strong the voice says, stay strong, they need you now. I need them too but I'm tired... Some days I pass the airport and think of times gone past and wonder if I'll fly those blue skies again, some days I just want to fly away. Sometimes I can relate to why an old family dog, tattered and torn disappears into the woods to lay down by an old oak tree to rest and become part of the earth. Well, notice came in so perhaps I'll get some rest but I'm afraid if I rest I won't be able to move anymore. An appointment is coming up and once again I'm scared to go, it's supposed to be outpatient but I've heard that one before...time will tell...

Will I...

Hear you sleeping, noting the glow of LED light from the laptop in the darkness. Feel the cold from whence it came or your warmth enveloping me from head to toe. See you smile, shed a tear, shiver in the cold or bask in the warm summer sun. Hear your voice, listen to your heart beating and feel your breath ever so softly upon my nape. Will I?

pacing

woke to pain, went to cabinet for pepto, feels like being eaten from the inside, pacing the floor, stretching,, lay back down, can't stay down, hurts too much. back up, pacing again trying to be quiet so as not to wake the others, trying the prescription now. drank some water, pacing again, unbearable feel like throwing up but afraid of what might come out, why he said, he asked why and now I understand...

That telling smile

I got the call that morning but I didn't hear it, I heard what they said but I didn't listen and went about my day in a haze of partial consciousness  Then a knock was upon the door and some men were there looking to tell me again the grizzly scene. He was found on the floor with his oldest in a cold brick building, bled out on the floor in a puddle of blood. Who made the call I wondered and where was he now. Outside the winter grass wasn't green, they stayed and talked for awhile without saying anything as inquisitive as they were. Then the messenger got into some contraption and took flight. Wondrous flight, acrobatic even but then I overheard them saying I think we have taken his mind off of it for a bit with the flight. Strange I thought. Then the contraption hit some power-lines but was recovered before the impending peril continued to befall yet another. In the darkness I stayed, cold, alone with my thoughts searching aimlessly and needing shelter but still unable to communicate. Another building, still in a fog, the oldest still not found and as people were leaving I held the youngest's hand and in a glance he came to us in his Sunday best, white shirt, clean shaven but somehow thinner. He spoke but only the youngest and I could hear him as he lay there before us, he had that smile, a calm, a happiness, a joy about him. No more pain, I could tell I'd seen it before. Tears fell from our eyes and hit the floor as he lay there smiling and I woke still unsure if it was real...