Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Just me rolling like glass.


Look down deep in my soul and see the r e f l e  ct i o n s

come on in from the rain and i'll take away the pain....
come on in from the rain and i'll take away your pain....

Up and down you'll go into the reflections.
This life can be alone, unless you take the right road.

come on in from the rain and i'll take away your pain....





Friday, December 14, 2012

Tried

To move the Harley today, don't remember it being so heavy... needs a new back tire and battery. Headphones, Tunes, Leathers, yeah ...  going for a ride soon.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

One...

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

-Revelation 21:4

Go and be free

Go and be free to your hearts content,

Know peace, love, joy and happiness,

Share a smile with a stranger,

Make someone else's day with something simple,

Live a tranquil life and show others how,

Assure those you love of your devotion to them often,

Be successful, pause and notice your good fortune,

Be free and save the sadness for some other dreary day,

-Ken

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Family

As i stood racing in slow motion though the door of the airport bathroom, rushing for the farthest bathroom stall I couldn't make it, it came out of my mouth, my ears, my eyes and any other spot that could ooze its way through with force like that of a vampire slicing open a healthy throat after a long dense sleep.. As I stood there standing over the commode drove after droves kept pouring out. The whole left side of my body was now drenched in my own blood, more was coming and all I could think was why now and what would happen to you.... I wreached around searching for bullett holes, didn't feel any.., A paramedic came in just as I was standing there washing my blood drenched shirt in the sink basin, I was still in a fog, my pressure indicated 86/34, how I was still walking and responsive I don't know. Just needed to get home....The EMT's wasn't having any of that, onto the gurney they put me, handed me a hurl bag and I filled it with more blood, then another, lights and sirens the whole way. I was strapped in so tight I could feel the rush of the Ford engine in this econoline conversion whisking me away to destinations unknown but I couldn't move. Then with a surge of adrenaline I managed to dial a number and say goodbye. Through the crash doors of the emergency room off and into the abyss of sleep I went.

When I awoke I immediately had a flashback of the gulf, war, I was choking and had three guys on top of me holding me down. They reminded me of men fought some years back so with another surge of adrenaline I pushed them away but then someone else came into the room and assisted them. As I lay there completely immobilized I began to see what was about to happen, a long metallic rod was being forced down my throat, I could see it going in, couldn't breathe. There was great fear and desperation on this guys face just as there was mine as it felt like I was being water boarded. The man with the white coat spoke and said he would need to go back in and try again as there was just too much blood for him to see properly but this time they passed more sedatives and I was fast asleep only to awake some three days later.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Escalation

Wikipedia says:

well

seems like feast or famine, everywhere I look, fire, drought, bankruptcy, flood, tornado, homeless, it's all the same, people suffering...i'm sick of it, can't bear to witness it anymore, it's getting bad out there
Time to break the cycle, to remove the pain pulsating through the veins but what to do, what to do. Confide in a stranger and ask for advice or stay on the path through the valley of the shadow. Could follow the unofficial approval melancholy list of home remedies that funded many for years or bite the bullet and go back to the hell hole. At this point it just seems like to much work and not enough time to do what needs to be done, too much pain, too much loss, to many unanswered questions and too much light...

The bone...

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

With a...

With a heavy heart i write this letter, i've seen loss, i've seen pain, i've seen joy and happiness. if you read this it's because I love you or perhaps you just stumbled across this blog. Know that you are special. Know that somewhere there is someone special that is thinking of you, know that you are loved for who you are and all the terrific things you do. know that i once loved you...

No pills...just plutonium...

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Got another letter in the mail

Read and shred, another one down...this...it's so much to bear, I don't think my shoulders are broad enough......I feel the quickening...I've lost so many loved ones of late, to much... I have mentally checked out...bruised and battered I go, will miss you all but peace out...god bless...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Once

There was a young vibrant man, he was full of ambition and other things. He Had a family, friends and a good job. He was a bit of a wandering soul so he had a motorcycle but this was much later in this fable. He Lived between Wichita and Muldrow for several years, he would sleep on the floor of a greyhound bus that transported him to and fro, it was a dirty and dusty floor but he slept nonetheless. It seems he was always sent away like that but he rarely remembers coming back that way. This young boys father would be standing there at the station, and they would see each other and smile. He lived with his grandma on his Dad's side for a while then at 11415 east lewis street there in Wichta, his dad had married another, he had a bunk bed and here they had land and he had a fort :-)

So there he was on his new bicycle minding his own business. He had ventured a little farther into the neighborhood than before to see his friend and Grandma Espinoza. On his way home he came across a bunch of kids fighting in the street. Not just a few mind you but a gaggle. He tried to cruise around them but was blocked in by several of them at once. He must have been about 8 or 9 years old. So basically they wanted my new bike and began pulling on it, He wasn't giving it up and tried to bully past them but there was just too many of them. Hands all over his new bike and before you knew it he was crowd surfing above these kids with his bike heading the other direction. He finally got down and went looking for it only to find the meanest, nastiest bully he had ever met sitting on it. He started chasing him on his own bike! He ran like the wind, lost at that point not knowing which way to go. Each time he looked back the bully was closer and closer and so was a whole bunch of other kids. So he kept running, by the time he got back into town the closest thing was Taco Tico and they were open. I don't think they were ready to take his order though. I ran into the bathroom with thugs in tow. The door slammed shut and I locked it tight. BOOM BOOM WHAM could be heard in that small ass bathroom. The kids were trying to break through and get me, by this time I had no idea how many were outside nor where my bike was. Luckily there was a pay phone in the bathroom, now why there was a pay phone inside the Taco Tico bathroom I'll probably never know. But anyways, I reached into my pocket and produced some silver. I called IM and my older cousin answered. I was breathing so hard I could hardly speak and the pounding on the door kept getting louder. Within minutes I heard the deep unmistakable voice of my dad and my cousin. They were there to rescue me and my new bike. Both of the men were bigger than the average Joe so the kids proved little trouble for them. Ah... engrams




On Aug. 2, 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait. This act precipitated U.S. military involvement in the Persian Gulf. The 1st Inf. Div. was put on alert for deployment on Nov. 8, 1990. The division deployed over 12,000 soldiers and 7,000 pieces of equipment to Saudi Arabia over the next two months.

At 2:00 a.m., 17, 1991,Operation Desert Storm commenced with air raids and artillery barrages on Iraqi targets. The Division continued to rehearse its mission to penetrate Iraqi defenses and destroy the Republican Guard in its zone.

On the morning of Feb. 24, 1991, under Maj. Gen. Thomas G. Rhame, the Big Red One spearheaded the armored attack into Iraq, by creating the all-important breach in Iraqi defenses that enabled VII Corps units to smash into Iraq. The Division broke through the enemy defensive lines, decimated the Iraqi 26th Inf. Div. by and took over 2,500 prisoners. After the breachhead was secured, the British 1st Armored Division was allowed to advance and pass through the Big Red One. This kept up the momentum of the coalition force's attack. The Division then followed and drove to the east deep into enemy territory.

Continuing its attack, the Division collided with the Tawakalna Division Republican Guard and the 37th Brigade of the 12th Iraqi Tank Division. On the night of Feb. 26, 1991, the Division battled with enemy forces and destroyed both units. Enemy losses included more than 40 tanks and 40 infantry fighting vehicles. The Division exploited its success and continued its pursuit of the demoralized Iraqi forces.

Following the Battle of Norfolk, the Division raced ahead to cut of the Iraqi lines off retreat from Kuwait City. Division elements destroyed scores of enemy vehicles and took thousands of prisoners as they advanced.

By 8 p.m., 27 Feb., the 1st Squadron, 4th U.S. Cavalry had seized the main highway leading north out of Kuwait, barring the Iraqis' escape. By the next morning, the rest of the Division had taken up positions along the highway and fully secured it.

At 8 a.m., Feb. 28, 1991, the war was over when a cease-fire was called. The Big Red One had fought through 260 kilometers of enemy-held territory in 100 hours, destroying 550 enemy tanks, 480 armored, personnel carriers and taking 11,400 prisoners. Eighteen of the Divisions soldiers were killed in the war. The Division earned three campaign streamers for its colors: Defense of Saudi Arabia, Liberation and Defense of Kuwait and Cease Fire.

On Mar. 3, 1991, negotiations were held between coalition forces and Iraqi leaders to cement the cease-fire agreements. The Division secured the site of the agreements at Safwan airfield. Following this, the Division prepared for its return to the United States. On May 10, 1991, the Division unfurled its colors at Fort Riley, Kan., signifying its return home. But she wasn't there waiting for him and he, this man finally knew true heartbreak...

First a drop, then another and another until i'm soaked from head to toe, boots full of water and a chill rolls across my spine at 55mph I can barely see, glasses fogging, rain on the inside of them now as a shiver begins to develop deep within. I hug the bike closer soaking the warmth from the air cooled motor as we continue down the highway. The light up ahead turns red and as I begin to brake it's only then I fully realize just how utterly soaked I am. There is so much water that the brakes begin to groan and make sounds like never before as this was baptisim for these wheels, nevertheless they brought me to a stop without fail. As I shook my head to the right and left trying to shake off the rain, the light turned green and we were off again, visibility wasn't clear blue and twenty two, more like dark fog with driving rain and we slowed to around 40-45 mph. The rain kept on pelting us like a swarm of bees interrupted at honey time. Another light is coming up ahead, the shiver is becoming worse but we continue to drive on. Noticed I have a death grip on the handle bars about now. Blinkers on, were going right and as I wearily begin the turn, I'm startled by multiple horns blasting from behind as the rest of the pack waves and continues north. The rain is slowing now. I can see once again, albeit not as clear as I should. Through the winding road we go until we are in a familar place even with the fog and rain. The leader takes a right and I honk, smile and wave but continue west to the filling station. As I pull in there are several folks staring in amazement as I pull up to the pump. I grab a towel, take a deep breath, wipe my brow, dry my glasses and smile, what a ride... Pulling out from the station I see a familar white t-shirt several hundred feet back heading north and as I get up to cruising speed the image is becoming clearer. The rains have subsided. At the light the familar image was indeed Dan, "did you stop at Scott's" he said? "Nope, just honked waved and went on", "funny" he said, "I just kept going straight". We cruised on through Wylie and Murphy headed for Plano, probably end up on the cover of their local newspaper as I'm sure we were quite the sight..good times ;-).TBC

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Can't sleep

Too many thoughts, dreams, in a haze, a fog if you will just dreading the day. Even Music and the Motorcycle cannot seem to drown out the sorrow, I didn't think I could be so sad, I've seen much loss, held some until their last breath and many loved ones go to some other place but this is hitting me hard. I'm dreading today, there is a dinner before hand but I can't go to that, I will wait, then get into the suit and go when its time. I saw a shell of what was her today, just a shell, she was gone to some other place...Too much loss, too much sadness, too much sorrow, too much...

Friday, April 27, 2012

Last two days

These last two days have totally sucked, i'm beat, i have one more day to go and a casket to carry... Lord help me, please...

Thursday, April 26, 2012

No words

My granny passed away in her sleep this morning, i am so saddend by this it's beyond words. My Mom and Dad passed years back and this is just another example of my own mortality. I'm just just tired of all the death and the pain, why does it have to be so hard, this thing we call life...When I was just a boy I went and lived with her and my pa, they welcomed me, fed me, taught me, hugged me and loved me. We went to CB radio events, granny made me a shirt jacket with the CB handle embroidered on it Robin Hood it said, that was my handle back then, i once even won a brand spanking new CB radio for my pa, he was proud..When he passed I missed his smile, now I miss hers, I went to the graveside and pulled the weeds, took my best knife and cleaned up the place, the knife is just a thing even though it is my best, not ashamed at all, been crying all day, after all....she was my granny... It's a sad day folks, a sad day....Service is at 2 on Saturday in Muldrow, i'll be the one crying in a suit with shades on if your looking for me...

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Little brothers

Went looking for him today, found him sleeping, put my hand on his forehead, burning up. Opened his eyes, not so good, open your mouth I said. Dry, swollen, gave him some Gatorade, Tylenol and made him drink a glass of water, oh world what has befallen him? If I only knew...

Tuesday, April 03, 2012


I Love Everything About U
And I Love U The Most

I Love The Way U Smile
And The Way U Dry
My Tears When I Cry

I Love The Way U Let Me Listen
To Your Heart Beating

And The Way U Tell Me
Its For Me Who U Living

I Love The Way U Hurt Me
And Always Come Back
To Say Please Forgive Me

I Love U For Being
Who U R In Front Of Me

And For Not Trying
To Impress Me

I Love Every Word U Say
And I Love U In Every Way

I Love U
Not Because U Love Me Too

I Love U
Because Your Love Is True!!!!

- deepu kamal

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Happy Ever After
Dull, dark and dreary, the story of a broken heart.
Dreary smiles and anguished laughter,
They try to hide the pain,
Of a broken happy-ever-after,
As the tears run down your drain.

A cry for help is calling you,
Its sobs sigh on the wind
That whistles up the Avenue,
To rattle your window pane.

Alone you sit, battered and bruised,
As you read another page,
Of another broken romance book
That holds you, centre stage.

The spotlight is on your tears,
But the audience have departed,
No one's left to share the fears
That leave you broken hearted.

And so with melancholy in your head,
You contemplate the tall grey tower,
Thinking you'd be better dead,
You could leap, it'd be all over.

And your soul could fly with angels,
Or the demons of the night.
That's the alternative angle,
The enigma of your plight.

So where do you go tonight,
As the shadows dance their merry dance,
By the flickering tongue of candlelight,
That holds you in its trance?

You go to dream another nightmare,
Of a place where heartache reigns,
Where there is no happy-ever-after,
Where lover's cry in vain.

Welcome then, to my world
Of lost and lonely souls,
A place where funeral shrouds unfurl
And blackness billows through your bones.

It creeps, stealthily, through your veins,
And drowns your heart in sorrow.
And should you manage a smile today,
You'll be dead by tomorrow.
By Harry Boslem
Published: 8/8/2011

Want To Be By Myself
Too much to explain..
I cannot breathe
But I remain to live
I am tired of all this
I want to go home
And be by myself, all alone.

What I want,
Is too much to ask
What I do is too little,
And I want more.

Throbbing headache
Sobbing heart
Lonely soul
Dying spirit
Useless body
Messed up mind
Blind eyes.
By C Zemira Reyez
Published: 8/26/2011

Monday, March 05, 2012

...

It is ever elusive, some call it the quickening, Some call it sleep. So many thoughts of times long gone but they never seem to leave the mind. Vivid fixations focused solely on explosions, corruptions, sensory smells and death. How is this possible, why is this possible, for what purpose do these things exist even if only in ones mind? Commercialism lives on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, turn it on, it will be there waiting for you...

Sunday, March 04, 2012

If not for sadness, would there be joy? If not for tyranny would there be freedom? Would not there be good without evil? Do opposites really attract? What is it that you seek? Can you not be happy for just one solitary day? Why do you feel this way? What is the burden you bear to make you saddened in this fashion? What tyranny have you personally faced that causes freedom of these thoughts to elude you? What evil has been forced upon you that makes you not good? Did you ever see a north and south pole together? One day you will be happy, free of the burdens and sadness, one day...

Saturday, February 25, 2012

yeah, deep...

If you only knew I've been hanging by a thread, I'd sacrifice my beating Heart before I'd lose you

I swear I've lived and learned

I can't sleep without you next to me I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me Back to life
Breathe your breath in me the only thing that I still believe In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

You help me live and learn...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

She

She's vibrant, she's beautiful, she is my world, she delights my senses, she expands my mind, she is wonderful, she's caring and kind. She is attractive, lovely and pleasing at the same time. She is noble, sensible, she is my wife and I love her very much.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Me

Rough week, trials and tribulations abound, first it was baby Gage with RSV, then Kenzie Nickole arrived with a temp and possible meningitis. The family is not as harmonious as I would like as there are some that do not respect the decisions of others, makes it hard for Kay and I as were stuck in the middle, just need them all happy, healthy and wiser than me, I hope and pray the all make better choices than I did, I hope and pray they all live long, prosperous fruitful lives but above all I hope they know that I have always loved them, each in my own way, I would not be who I am today without them, for it was them that shaped my life, not high school, not parties, not college, not moves and not the war, not anyone else but they, my family...I will miss you all terribly when I leave...